This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
