All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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