I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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