Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Sober January is a disaster.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize