i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
