I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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