are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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