Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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