If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
