did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
