My cat gives me a boner
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
