If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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