i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
