hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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