Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
