ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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