I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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