Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
