I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
In other news, I just burned my penis
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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