His hands were made for my vagina.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
