my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
