I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
