My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Shame - the story of my life.
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