I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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