Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
