OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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