she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
