I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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