There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
