I looked at my own cervix.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
