with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
