clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
