you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
