It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
