We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
