Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
