...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
