We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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