Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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