When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
