Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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