Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
