can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
