he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
