at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
