it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
