He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
