We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
