im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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