i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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