the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
