is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
