I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She told me I should be a condom model.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
