You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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