Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
