Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
