No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
