So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
