i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
