I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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