Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
