I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
