Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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