I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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