i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
honey bunches of taint.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize