so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
