So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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