i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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