we have officially lost it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
