could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
